Reversing the Numbness

Monday, March 5, 2007

Attention Time Travelers and Nice Aliens

Back in 2001, a close friend forwarded to me a random e-mail that wound up in his inbox. He stated only that is was "easily one of the strangest e-mails [he] has ever received..." This would become the first in a series of three pieces of "Crazy Correspondence" that found their way to me during an odd two-month stretch in 2001. This is not meant to disparage anyone suffering from a serious mental illness, mind you---but hey, funny is funny. Faithfully re-created below (including original spelling, grammar and syntax errors) is this first piece of "Crazy Correspondence." Enjoy!

If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help!

Also if you are from any of the following planets and can help me as mentioned please reply:

I come to you for help and need a way of doing this in the following way exactly in such a way that there will be little or no danger. I come to you in peace. Trust and honesty is an absolutely must!!

My life has been severely tampered with and cursed. I have suffered tremendously and am now dying!

I need to be able to:

Travel physically back in time.

Rewind my life (including my age.)

Be able to (remember what I know now) so that I can prevent my life from being tampered with after I go back.

I am in great danger and need this immediately!

Only if you are a time traveler or nice alien and have this technology please send me a (separate) email to:


As you can see, this was not typical "spam." There were no solicitations to sell any products or promote any websites. This cat was clearly schizophrenic.

In an effort to help, I e-mailed him. While I was careful not to fully validate his insane beliefs, I alluded to the fact that I have travelled to many a far and wondrous places. I went on to imply that I had great wisdom. I told him that in all my adventures, I learned that the most powerful force in the galaxy is the human spirit and its will to overcome and succeed against great odds. I implored Robby to stop seeking answers in the past, and to focus positive energy on his present, and all would turn out well. I was sure that my inspirational words could change his life.

He replied. He insisted that his step-mother was poisoning him and begged me to share my time-travel tech with him.

So much for trying to use his own psychosis as a force to change his life for the better.

I sent Robby another e-mail, but he stopped responding. I tried again a few years later, and the e-mail was returned stating that it was an invalid address.

I hope he is doing OK.


The Dalai Mama said...

That is some wacky shit. I think you gave the fella some sage advice.

SleekPelt said...

Ah, yes, I remember that! Did you notice a larger quantity of spam after replying to him, by chance? ;)
You took the compassionate route, Zee, but I also have to give kudos to Joey daVilla's response. Clever!

getto said...

You did a good thing replying to him in the manner that you did. I can't say that I would have been as compassionate. It is actually quite sad, assuming he honestly felt he was in danger. I thank my lucky stars everyday that I am healthy, have a good job, family, roof over my head, etc. and not posting up emails asking for universal guidance.

Zee said...

I cannot beleive that you found another blogger that blogged on this VERY e-mail. Damn.

I really wish I saved my response and his reply. I went on and on about how he always had the power to change his present time-line within himself. All he did was beg for time travel technology and blow me off when I insisted he deal with problems face to face.

y'know Bryan, I don't know if I got more spam. I'm pretty sure I created a dummy yahoo account or something just in case it was shady.

Ghetto, you are so right. As much as "you still have your health" sounds like a cliche, Its good to take the time to be truly thankful for that and other things that people often take for granted.

spooge said...

Don't worry everyone. I've taken care of everything. "Robby" is safe now. I've taken him back to my home planet, Valnator for evaluation. He wanted me to tell Zee "hi." He also wanted to thank him for his warmth and compassion.

I will report back after further ah, I mean analysis. Did you think I meant anal probing? That's ridiculous. That only happens in the movies.

Step into the real world people.

Zee said...

HA HA HA HA!! Now THAT was funny, Spooge.