Rudolph the Red-Headed Step-Child

Don't you just love the stop-motion Christmas classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? I know you've seen it dozens of times. Originally aired in 1964, it's the longest running TV special with regard to consecutive years. That's pretty impressive.

I always get a kick out of breaking down the plot of this much-loved special. Let's give it a try.

Rudolph, a young reindeer who simply wants to belong, finds himself with a physical trait that makes him different from the others. This shames his father, Donner, who insists Rudolph try to hide his shiny nose. (I liken this to a father insisting his little-person child wear heightening shoes. He should be flogged with a giant candy cane.) After Rudolph's disguise comes apart in public, and despite his impressive, passion-inspired virgin flight, all of the other reindeer (with the exception of the sweet Clarice) give him hell and make him feel worse than his his no-good, sell-out father made him feel. Then, perhaps the biggest villain of the movie, Santa the Bigot, a man whose entire business is built upon the apparently bogus idea of rewarding the just, lays into Donner, declaring, "You should be ashamed of yourself!" And he means because his boy has a shiny nose, folks, not because of the atrocious way he reacted to that discovery.

Now let's think about Santa's slaves for a bit, the elves. (Note that the word elves is a mere a away from being a perfect anagram of slaves.) They all seem happy with their lots in life. All of them, that is, with the exception of Hermey the Misfit Elf. See, this poor chap wants to be a dentist. Is there any encouragement for his uncommon drive? Of course not. Even his offers of free dental care are rewarded with ridicule, and he's driven away.

So it's natural that the two societal rejects meet up and form a bond that causes them to go in search of "fame and fortune." What they're really looking for is acceptance and opportunity, of course, but their sheltered naivety is unsure how to define their drive. Along the way they meet up with severely inclement weather, a seemingly greedy but helpful prospector named Yukon Cornelius, and a misunderstood yeti that man has tagged as "abominable," imposing a role upon him that manifests in exactly that type of behavior. The three new friends stick close to each other as they battle beast and nature in pursuit of their dreams.

Let's hop over quickly to the Island of Misfit toys, an internment camp where unwanted toys are sent as victims of a consumer society growing out of control. What a brilliant concept to include in a Christmas special, and in 1964 it was downright prophetic.

Meanwhile, back at the North Pole, ol' Santa the Bigot is starting to realize that he's gotten himself into a bit of a pickle. He sets up shop in the most rugged tundra the earth has to offer and finds himself surprised to encounter -- gasp! -- a bad snowstorm on Christmas Eve! What a shock. What's he going to do?

You all know how the story ends. The yeti gets knocked out, Hermey converts him to the good side by extracting his teeth (the Wikipedia entry makes it seem like this somehow tamed him, perhaps through submission, but I always thought he had toothaches that were making him particularly grumpy and, like the lion with the thorn in his paw, he repaid a good deed with proper gratitude), we find out that Cornelius was really just prospecting for peppermint and not gold or silver(at least in the original version), the whole crew makes it back to the North Pole, and when Santa the Bigot realizes that Rudolph actually has something to offer him, well then it's all just freaking dandy! Rudolph is the best! We all love Rudolph! Attaboy Rudolph!

But Santa at least saved the Misfit Toys, you say? Sure he did. In the revised version that was created after consumer complaint.

Hypocrites, the lot of them!

... Then how the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
They're full of hypocrisy

How would a kid who has an "abnormal" feature or condition feel about this show? Hopefully they'd feel redemption at the end, as the "misfits" clearly rise above the rest in this cautionary tale, but if I was an albino child, or if I had a particularly large nose, or a visible birthmark on my face, or anything else that's sure to keep me off the cover of Mademoiselle or GQ, I think I'd tell my mom that I don't want that red-suited bastard and his army of demon deer to come anywhere near my house. I'd be lighting a fire under the chimney and booby-trapping the hell out of my Christmas tree. Of course all of this work would be done in vain, because I'd know Santa isn't coming anyway. The bastard doesn't give a crap about how nice I've been all year when I'm running a cowlick this.

The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

So my caption didn't make the final three in the contest from a couple of weeks ago. I had struggled choosing one of these caps:

"It's the greatest living room on Earth."

or

"Can I get you some cotton candy?"

I thought the first one was just a bit too obvious and not particularly funny, so I went with the latter. I see that someone else made the final three with "Welcome to the greatest living room on Earth!" Hers is worded better than mine, but I still like the cotton candy one better.

On last week's toon, I went with "No, I don't want to play Duck Duck Goose!" which edged out "My kingdom for an omelet."

Here's the new cartoon. Feel free to post captions; I'll be putting mine up as I think of them.

The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

I've submitted captions to The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest a couple of times in recent weeks, and now I'm determined to get a caption in the final three. So I think I'm going to start doing weekly posts about the new toon. I can post my caption ideas to get feedback on which one I should submit and you can come up with your own if you want. (And if you do, why not submit them?)

So before reading my first few captions for this week, check out the toon.

More Classic Calvin

I felt like this every day when I was in school. I remember it like it was yesterday. Thankfully my job doesn't make me feel this way.

Classic Spider-Man

This is for anyone who grew up watching Spider-Man cartoons, like I did.



By the way, this is the 200th post on RtN. I've been a bit too busy to post much during the last week, but I should be able to pick it back up this week. Hopefully that trailer hot spot will open soon, because I'm still looking forward to checking it out.

Simpsonized

Okay, I Simpsonized myself. It looks a little like me, I guess. My favorite part is the Homer-style stubble. If anyone else has done this, I'd love to see your results. Post in the comments if you know how.

If you haven't done it and you'd like to, go all corporate at www.simpsonizeme.com.

More Classic Peanuts

More Classic Calvin

More Classic Calvin

If you miss him as much as I do, read more here.

Three is a Magic Number

This is probably the most famous of the Schoolhouse Rock toons from the '70s (also the first), but I hadn't seen the original in a long time. I can't believe how good this is, on so many levels. It's a great song with catchy and cool lyrics, a classic melody, and I think it's actually beautiful in places. I really like the art and the minimal animation, too. I can't wait to show this to my kids tomorrow.

More Watterson Wisdom

The Funniest Thing in the World

Go ahead. Click the above image. Study it. Drink in the imagery. Immerse yourself in Gary Larson's farcical take on the ongoing saga of Dog vs. Cat in the modern world. Learn it. Live it. Fall to the ground in side-splitting hysterics.

Have you composed yourself yet? Caught your breath? Perhaps you had to jab yourself in the gut with a ball-point pen in order to stop yourself from laughing to avoid hyperventilation. Now you're left with only one question: Why? Why does this simple one-panel cartoon compel laughter from a place so deep within our very soul that only intense physical pain can snap us out of it?

I'll endeavor to answer.

Larson's famous "Cat Fud" cartoon taps into the very essence of "funny" on many complex levels. Its a veritable comic overload featuring elements of slapstick, whimsy, irony, and situational comedy, all while delivering a powerful commentary about the world we live in.

Lets deconstruct:

At first, the viewer thinks s/he is laughing simply because the dog is so hell-bent on ruining the cat's day that he concocts an elaborate "mouse trap" to ensnare his furry nemesis. This idea preys upon the built-in (but often mis-guided) notion driven into us since early childhood: that cats and dogs are sworn enemies. Saturday morning cartoons have played this card for years; of course, never quite as cleverly as this.

Next, we are left to wonder just what events preceded this? How many times had the dog's carefully laid plans been foiled by the crafty feline's uncanny ability to sense danger and outmaneuver his canine counterpart at every turn? After all, the dog is begging...literally begging, for this to work! This one time! Oh please, let me get the upper hand just this once! The complexities of their relationship are hinted at just enough to pique the viewer's imagination and encourage him or her to conjure up images of epic battles of wit between the pair. Tom & Jerry have nothing on these two!

By now, the viewer has gotten past the history of the players and is examining the ingenious plan hatched by the dog. Brilliant. Animals that think and act like people are always funny. Animals that can think and act like people and choose to use that intelligence for such a foolhardy venture? Hilarious!

This opens the door to further examination of the dog's apparent intellect. Hmmm. Displays complex problem solving ability and grasps abstract thought---very impressive indeed. But...wait for it...he mis-spelled food!!! Fud. Cat Fud. CAT FUD!!!!! This is so freaking funny, I had to stop writing and slam my hand in my desk drawer several times in order to stop myself from laughing to the point of hyperventilation.

You see, its funny because he was thisclose---but far enough off to allow you question his "intelligence." If he simply dropped an "o" and wrote "Fod," that's not funny. Not at all. The only way for him to mis-spell "Food" and make it work is to replace the "oo" with a "u." Nothing else would have sufficed. That's funny. Also note that the dog decided to use capital letters for the first letter of each word (perhaps to make the invitation appear more formal to the cat).

By the way, how did he manage to write it at all without opposable thumbs? Ahhh. Part of the riddle that may never be answered. I submit that he used his mouth, but an animal capable of the feats depicted could have devised any number of ways to accomplish the modest goal.

Now for the absolute best part; The coup de gras if you will. The part of this little gem that brings it all together and weaves the comic mayhem into a humor-crescendo of epic proportions:
Not only can the dog devise and execute this scheme...not only did he grossly mis-spell "Food" despite his higher learning abilities....but.........(wait for it)......

THE CAT CAN READ IT!!!! The cat can not only read it, but he understands it DESPITE THE SPELLING ERROR!!!

Excuse me while I punch myself in the face in order to stop the laughter which, unabated, will surely lead to hyperventilation. Just when the viewer thinks s/he is laughing at the dog's hi jinks, Larson manages a subconscious switcheroo...the cat is the true star of the show!

That is one smart cat, no doubt. And yet, he is about to fall for the lamest trick in the book!!! Oh, the irony!! The bitter, bitter irony!

Of course, the ending is open to interpretation. In my mind, the cat recognizes that something is amiss before climbing into the dryer in search of the ever-elusive but highly coveted "Cat Fud." To others, the story may end with the cat tumbling around and around while the dog howls with glee.

The artwork itself also plays an important role in conveying the comic genius. Note the cat's lazy approach and his carefree stance. The thick haunches and portly figure that suggest a life of leisure further mock the dog and his vain efforts to best his rival. Vain until today, perhaps.

The cat's laissez-faire look serves as an ideal counterpoint to the sense of desperation and tension depicted in the canine protagonist (or antagonist, depending on your point of view): his stiffened body crammed into the tight corner, holding his breath, careful not to cause even the slightest change in the air for fear that the cat will be alerted to his presence.

The cabinet door left ajar and the Acme brand "cat fud" open on top of the washing machine tells us that as his plan neared fruition, the dog simply could not contain his excitement and eschewed such minor details in favor of action!

I could go on and on. Larson's "Cat Fud" Far Side(c) is simply the Funniest Thing in the World. Its almost as if he sold his soul to the devil in order to create it. Perhaps we'll never be able to fully unlock the totality of its secrets. Perhaps that's for the best. After all, there is no telling what that kind of power in the wrong hands could lead to.

Oh, and the powerful commentary about the world we live in? I am not going to insult you by spelling it out. Its so obvious.

Besides, its meant to be laughed at, not analyzed.

From the Cutting Room Floor

Sometimes Todd Provance sends us toons that are hilarious, but that I just have to keep out of the magazine. Usually it's because they're a bit too risque. In this case, we can't run it because, well, we don't touch religion in our books. But it's too funny to let die, so here it is, a RtN Lapper Exclusive. Thanks, Todd!

Toon Time 2

This Todd Provance toon cracks me up. Thanks, Todd!

Toon Time

My friend Todd draws cartoons and greeting cards for various companies throughout the States, including the magazines I work for. He's going to send me some of the toons he has lying around every now and then to post here. Thanks, Todd!

Dark Tower Graphic Art books (comics)

this is so awesome. if you haven't already experience the joy of reading these gems, here comes some eye candy.

11 Years Out

It's hard to believe it's been 11 years since Bill Watterson's final Calvin and Hobbes cartoon. There's an example of a guy going out on top.