Reversing the Numbness

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Dream a Little Dream


Ah, the American way. In this great country of ours, we can dream big, take action, and make it happen. Just ask the inventor of the Cruzin' Cooler. This person had a vision one day that the world would be a better place if they combined a motorized Razor scooter and a cooler, and voila, the Cruzin Cooler was born. At first, I thought it was absurd. Do we really need this thing to exist? Then I thought of at least two types of people who could really benefit from this.

1. An enterprising youngster who wants to cover as much of the neighborhood as possible by making his "lemonade stand" mobile.

2. Someone on Dead tour (or Panic tour or wherever the old hippies have gone) who wants to go mobile with their veggie burrito business.

I'm sure there are more. The Dalai Mama wonders if a person could get a DUI on one of these things, which I think is a pretty good question.

Either way, the Cruzin' Cooler got me to thinking about other crazy ideas, which led me to stumble onto TotallyAbsurd.com. I haven't had this much fun on a site in ages! All of the crazy things on this site are actual U.S. patents, along with the actual illustrations that are on file in the patent office. Here are a few of my favorites:

The Duck Shield
Patent issued in 1997

This is supposed to attract ducks. Honestly. I think it's more likely to attract a bullet to the head. Maybe that dude Dick Cheney was hunting with was wearing one of these.

Robo Skater
Patent issued in 1999




Twenty-six wheels. Imagine the possibilities. Look, I'm turning 35 in a month and a half. If all of you pitch in a few bucks, you could get me one of these. I'd be Figure 2kin' it all over the place. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!

Quick Draw McGraw
Patent issued in 2004


Keep missing phone calls? Have a Spider-Man infatuation? Buy one of these and you'll be saying 'hello' before the first ring is through. If they add a watch to the package, they just might have me.

Goofy Goalies
Patent issued in 1989



Uh. Hmmmm. And the cup isn't included?

------------

I could go on for hours. This site is loads of fun, really -- check it out. How else are you going to find out what these are?:

11 comments:

getto said...

Depending where you are I think it would be possible to get an OUI(Operating Under the Influence). I remember a couple of stories in Denver about people getting OUI's on rollerblades and even a horse. It wouldn't surprise me if you could get busted on the cooler- it's got wheels and you areoperating it.

SleekPelt said...

geto boy: You're probably right.

-------

Okay, turns out I can't stop there. Also, be sure to check out:
The Propeller Leg

The Wearable Doghouse

Sled Pants

josh williams said...

Good ole Eienstien worked in a patent office. I wonder what this guy as rumor has it was smart, approved during his tenure.

getto said...

I will be purchasing a pair of the "Sled Pants" as soon as they come available. Very sweet!

josh williams said...

I have Chris Rea, The Road to Hell playing loud! It is a must have road music.I am not on the road but but by God this inpires me to move. Capture this gem...

cocaine jesus said...

i would love to see someone in london ride one of those cooler cruise contraptions!
outrageous!!!

SleekPelt said...

josh: I'd think it's the job of a patent officer just to make sure it hasn't been done before, and not to determine the sanity of the patent request. I bet he was always thinking of ways that the impending design could be improved, though.

geto boy: You and me both, pal. That's a freakin' stroke of genius right there. And how about a pair with wheels?

josh: I'll kick that song again today.

cocaine jesus: I can see it it now: "Get your ice-cold Bass Ale here! Four Euros! Ice-cold Bass Ale!"

Zee said...

As for the DUI, jurisdictions vary, but there would be some version of a broad statute covering all motor vehicles just about everywhere.

Funny, I was just reading up on patents and doing a patent search, marveling at some of the (1) ridiculous things that somone went to all the trouble to patent (a difficult and time-consuming process),like everything listed here, and (2) absolutely brilliant things that just never went anywhere.

SleekPelt said...

zee: So, what, you're saying that you don't count the Sled Pants as absolutely brilliant? You must not have spent much time lugging a sled up a hill as a kid, pal.

Zee said...

You should see what passes for "big" sled hills in New Jersey, Sleek.

Anonymous said...

Well... that's amazing but actually i have a hard time determining it... I'm wondering what others have to say....