Ah, the American way. In this great country of ours, we can dream big, take action, and make it happen. Just ask the inventor of the Cruzin' Cooler. This person had a vision one day that the world would be a better place if they combined a motorized Razor scooter and a cooler, and voila, the Cruzin Cooler was born. At first, I thought it was absurd. Do we really need this thing to exist? Then I thought of at least two types of people who could really benefit from this.
1. An enterprising youngster who wants to cover as much of the neighborhood as possible by making his "lemonade stand" mobile.
2. Someone on Dead tour (or Panic tour or wherever the old hippies have gone) who wants to go mobile with their veggie burrito business.
I'm sure there are more. The Dalai Mama wonders if a person could get a DUI on one of these things, which I think is a pretty good question.
Either way, the Cruzin' Cooler got me to thinking about other crazy ideas, which led me to stumble onto TotallyAbsurd.com. I haven't had this much fun on a site in ages! All of the crazy things on this site are actual U.S. patents, along with the actual illustrations that are on file in the patent office. Here are a few of my favorites:
The Duck Shield
Patent issued in 1997
This is supposed to attract ducks. Honestly. I think it's more likely to attract a bullet to the head. Maybe that dude Dick Cheney was hunting with was wearing one of these.
Patent issued in 1999
Twenty-six wheels. Imagine the possibilities. Look, I'm turning 35 in a month and a half. If all of you pitch in a few bucks, you could get me one of these. I'd be Figure 2kin' it all over the place. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!
Quick Draw McGraw
Patent issued in 2004
Keep missing phone calls? Have a Spider-Man infatuation? Buy one of these and you'll be saying 'hello' before the first ring is through. If they add a watch to the package, they just might have me.
Patent issued in 1989
Uh. Hmmmm. And the cup isn't included?
I could go on for hours. This site is loads of fun, really -- check it out. How else are you going to find out what these are?: