Reversing the Numbness

Friday, May 4, 2007

The Battle Of Good And Evil Rages On Outside My Office Window

See that? It's my office window, and on the other side of it is my motorcycle. It has a heart (and gas tank) of gold. It's good, and it loves me.

Now look in the background, off to the left, up on the hill. See that building? It's a Wal-Mart. And not just any Wal-Mart, but a Super Wal-Mart. A year ago it was just a wooded hillside, but now that building sits there, hulking, menacing, evil, like the devil's castle.

Most days, the evil wins. It seeps into my window and chokes me, flicking my ear lobes, sticking its fingers through my trachea and punching my eye balls. But not today. Today I have protection.

When the sun comes out, like Samson with his hair, my motorcycle gets stronger. It's small compared to that Goliath, but on this day, it's strong enough. The evil was cast back, reflected like Medusa's image, and I am safe and sound.

My bike Triumphed. And I love it too.


josh williams said...

When Walmart starts selling Triumps, I'm up and moving to an isolated island in the South Seas.I tremble...

getto said...

Man, you wax poetic. I see that picture in a totally different way, now. Today I was focused on how pretty your bike was, looking out that window, not seeing the greater evil beyond-freeways, mass commerce. Now I am feeling a little depressed.

Mom! Toilets blogged! said...

They sell Blue Goodness at Wal-Mart

Nuff said? I'm going right now, thanks for reminding me.


SleekPelt said...

josh: You won't be safe on that island for long.

getto: Look closely at the building next time and you'll see this.

mom: Careful, Jim Jones served "Blue Goodness" too. According to Bolthous e Farms' site, all of the Krogers in your neck of the woods sell it too.

Raoul Duke said...

the sun is not yellow, it's chicken.

had to brighten up your Friday. Thanks for the Dylan pic.


josh williams said...

Sleek you just opened up all sorts of doors for toilets at Mrs Toilets expense.J Robert Oppenheimer nor Mr Einstien could have seen the potential in Blue Goodness and White Castle with onion chips.Prey that Toilets does not ever combine these naturally delicious components. We should never talk of this again. So how about that game on the TV tonight, pretty close and stuff.

Mom! Toilets blogged! said...

Once apon a time, a long long time ago, Josh and I lived together. We hated our neighbor, they hated us too.
I don't remember where it came from, but we had a recording of Jim Jones calling his children to come drink the Kool Aid:
"Come children, drink the Kool Aid."
It was weird and creepy.
So, to make the neighbors hate us more, we would play it really loud on the stereo on Saturday mornings.
We would roll around on the floor laughing while the fat neighbor stood at the door in his underwear looking, rather glaring at our house.
I have more stories, I'll tell you about the silent dog whistle next time.

Zee said...

I fucking hate Wal Mart.

getto said...

Once again I appreciate Zee's zeal!

The Dalai Mama said...

Toilets: Playing that Jim Jones recording is the best thing I've ever heard. I LOVE it! There was a new documentary about the whole Jim Jones thing on Discovery recently. I've been fascinated by that for my entire life.

I hope to have some Blue Goddess within the next week. I'm not going to tell Sleek when I drink it, so it will be a (hopefully) big surprise for him! I've thought about spiking Zee's drinks with it at his upcoming wedding. Wouldn't that make for an explosive wedding night?

Zee said...

HA HA HA!!!! OK, DM, in theory, that would be funny. Lets keep it theoretical, huh?

SleekPelt said...

raoul: You succeeded; thanks, pal.

josh: My intention wasn't to cause pain to Mrs. Toilets, but instead to save pain for Mr. Mom.

mom: So funny; I can't wait to hear about the silent dog whistle. Something tells me it's an Emperor Wears No Clothes type of story.

zee: You and me both, pal.

geto boy: When you get to know him in person, you'll be even more impressed with his zeal. Believe me.

dm: Let's keep it theoretical across the board, mmkay?

josh williams said...

Did I tell anyone I won a Poor Bailey "Pyrite and Gold" Cds yes plural. It rocks, sure am glad I won fair and square!...Yes toilets tells the truth about Jim Jones, abit of dark torment for the mean spirited redneck neighbor. Our behavior was of course above reproach, why he hated us so I will never know.

Mom! Toilets blogged! said...

The aforementioned Hated neighbor had two big German Shepards. I had the one trained to bark at me EVERY time I went out side, the dog and I were buds, it was just our little thing. But, the hated neighbor had to come to the door and yell at the dog every time. This made me and the dog smile. Now for you to smile.
Josh and I got the idea that if we bought a silent dog whistle and blew on in late at night when we got home from the bars, the dogs would bark and wake and aggrivate the neighbor. It worked! It worked famously! That is one reason we were hated.
It still brings a smile to my face. Josh will vouch for this.
Don't mess with us.

sombrero11 said...

Last year they built a Super Wal*Mart in my neck of the woods (mainland, not on the island). The building that housed the old Perfectly Good Normal Wal*Mart still sits empty because The Wal*Mart Corporation won't sell it to anyone that will compete with the new, hulking Super Wal*Mart. Since the Super Wal*Mart is so big that is sells a low quality, Chinese-sweat-shop-made version of every product under the sun, there is no possible company that can move into a building that large which will not compete with Wal*Mart in some way. Oh, and they keep the lights on in the empty building.

So... We've got Urban Sprawl, Urban Blight, Contributing to Global Warming, Unnecessarily Stressing the Aging Midwestern Electrical Grid and Unfairly Supressing Competition in addition to the usual attacks on the American labor force.

SleekPelt said...

josh: Glad you're digging that. Sometimes I think it would be better to put the knock-out stuff on a single CD, but it's good as is too.

mom: I'm smiling.

sombrero: Welcome -- same thing here. They bailed on the old building, put two Super Wal-Marts up (oh joy, one's outside my once-killer window), and the old place sits empty. I bet it still smells evil inside, though. Smells like that don't just go away.

josh williams said...

Gang, if I had that dog whistle for Wal-Mart I would have passed out from hyperventilation...I do not have much affection for "the Wal-Mart".
Just like in Time Bandits out of the oven falls a lump of black, its called evil, Wal-mart lures in companies and then once they get them on the crack they tell them what they are going to pay for their services, at this point the company has so much money invested in "the walmart" account that they have no choice but to comply and then another company underbids them and the former company fails...You knew this already it just feels good to vomit somtimes when your feeling sick.
Walmart is creating America in its own image a third world country. Now we do not want people to suffer and third world countries deserve a chance but for crying out loud, there is nothing of quality or moral coming from Walmart. As Kevin in Time Bandits said Mom! Dad! It's evil! Don't touch it!
[Kevin's parents explode] or my favorite line from Evil to Benson:Oh, Benson... Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence. Benson: Oh, you say such nice things, Master.
Evil: Yes I know, I'm sorry!

getto said...

Phuq Lowes! Same thing as Walmart here. They closed their old store, built a new one, wouldn't rent out their old one to anyone (Home Depot), tore it down, and built a new Lowes in it's place!?????? Two Lowes, same shitty service. But I am not bitter.

spooge said... glove....... ....can't resist, vast selection....and....adequate
prices.....must resist...must go to ...Dick's...Sporting Goods....must....resist the....Wal-Mart!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rob Zero said...

josh williams said...

I'm loving the Poor Bailey, now I think you need to have a contest where you give away your bonnie...Please! Is that the T100

SleekPelt said...

josh: I wish I would have taken a photo through my window before the Wal-Mart was built, then had it blown up and pasted to the squares of windows so the view would have stayed the same.

geto boy: Yeah, that's insane. Seriously.

spooge: Dick's has a sale on gloves right now.

rob: It's scary to think of all the ways Wal-Mart screws stuff up.

josh: Glad you like it, and you're right, I should have a contest for my bike (yeah, '03 T100). The first person to hit enter on my computer gets it.
I win.

Jessie said...

I have a window like that too. Can we put your bike infront of it and see if it works there???
Hey, next time evil gets into your office and is flicking and sticking things, by all means just IM me and I will come over and help.