Reversing the Numbness

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

The Sleek Awards: Worst Animal in the History of the World

Wow, this is the easiest award I've ever doled out. There's one animal that is so vile, so horrendous, responsible for so much putrescence, so much human suffering, that it sweeps this category so thoroughly that there aren't even any other nominees. The absolute worst animal that has ever been is, of course, the rat.

With all due respect to the fictional hero Randy Rat, the nicest rat anyone ever knew, in reality rats are the lowest of the low. All rats, even the ones the DM thinks are cute because they have giant ears and look like cartoon characters (I think the pictured beast is the one she likes), are creatures of darkness that are in the direct command of the evil one. And the greatest concentration of evil in a rat is in their tails. And also their feet.

Of course my kids love them and always have to go look at them at Petco. I just can't get close to them. I always go check out the snakes and turtles. Too bad they don't have bats; that's where I'd be hanging out.

22 comments:

getto said...

Please define "putrescence."
I had three white rats in college- Huey, Duey, and Luey, but they got too cold one night and died.

spooge said...

i'm confused. you like bats, but they are just rats with wings. a rat with wings is just a freakier version of the original.

plus, any bat that flies around could be a vampire, which is a direct descendant of "the dark one."

i happen to like them both about the same. however, at least bats eat bugs. rats just eat all of your cheese.

Anonymous said...

rat shit is hazardous to your health. plus, those critters and their fleas caused the black plague.

SleekPelt said...

geto boy: putrescent |pyoōˈtresənt| adjective undergoing the process of decay; rotting : the odor of putrescent flesh. DERIVATIVES putrescence noun

spooge: Ah, you silly little man. According to National Geographic: "Myth 5: Bats are rodents.
Bats are no more related to rodents than humans are. Evolution studies show that bats are more closely related to primates than to rodents." See more here: http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0204/feature7/online_extra.html

anon: So right you are, Anon. They've caused suffering galore.

josh williams said...

A new study in rats shows a molecule in the brain linked to inducing the sensation of "fullness" could help fight obesity. When the molecule was injected into rat-brains, the rats ate less and lost weight.

Nay, rats are great for research.Will the earth weigh less with less fat people?But we will know with the Rats working for us.
I think the tape worm is one of the worst animals in the world.

The Dalai Mama said...

I can't believe that nobody has commented on just how adorable that little dumbo rat is. If you want to see more heart-wrenching cuteness, do yourself a favor and google "dumbo rat". We are so getting one of those for our daughter when she's a little older and we don't have two dogs who would love to get a hold of that little thing.

SleekPelt said...

dm: Oh yeah? Well, the day we get a rat is the day we buy a large bridge, which you like about as much as I like rats.

The Dalai Mama said...

Sleek: I think the rat would fit in our house a little better than a bridge. More economical too.

SleekPelt said...

josh: Tape worms suck too, no question, but rats are worse!

The Dalai Mama said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
getto said...

Is a tape worm actually an animal?

spooge said...

get a picture of a bat. photoshop out the wings, and take a look at what you got.

freaky deaky.

Matthes said...

I hate rats and bats.........so there.

I love puppies and little bear cubs. Keyword:little

Dumbo rat does look like a rat that I would hang out with though.

Zee said...

Gotta give rats props for the research. Beleive it or not, their genome map (I think thats the term) is extremely close to humans, making then ideal.

Ironically, you made cats the "bad guys" in the same story where you made Randy Rat the protagonist. I hasten to point out that rats spread the plague when superstition caused people to kill cats, erroneously beleiving them to be "evil." It was the return of cats to reduce the rat population that got the black plague under control. Thats right: Cats actually saved the world.

SleekPelt said...

geto boy: That's a good question. I get confused when you get down to lower lifeforms.

spooge: You'd have a bat with a seriously impaired ability to eat thousands of insects per night.

matthes: Welcome! But don't encourage my wife!

zee: I fear I'll never live down the three big, mean cats from the Randy Rat story. However, in the real world, because they're natural enemies of rodents, I heart cats.

Zee said...

Fair enough. Remember, Cats are Phat. Thats with a "Ph."

its the truth said...

I can't see how you cannot love that little thing! I used to own rats and they were the best! my rats were my best friends paticuarly my blue rat. Why bring up the black plague? That was centuraries ago! Illness is caused by wild rats, that live in gutters, but the rat in the picture happens to be a fancy rat, bred to be clean and to look nice, in fact a well known fact is that a rats mouth is 50% cleaner than a humans! and they are a intelligent as a 3 year old child. As well as a bat is just a rat with wings, so to be hones you don't make sense! A rat comes top of the list for me and a leech comes down right bottom, I agree with the dalai mama! Instead of doing them down we should be giving them credit, they are helping us with scientific research, and the only people who have a right to say rats are nasty evil things are the people who have known them for years, not people who go by the television!

SleekPelt said...

it's the truth: Hello, and welcome to RtN! First, I'll address the myth that bats are "rats with wings," as you say. Very much not the truth. As I mentioned in a previous post, bats are actually more closely related to whales than they are rodents.

But of course I don't really think it's a fact that rats suck, I just personally think they do. What would make you think I came to this conclusion through television? It actually has a lot more to do with the rat infestation I lived through when I lived in the "blue hole" in college, after having a natural aversion to them anyway. Your experience may have been having sweet little buggaboos as pets, but my experience was carving rats with poison-melted heads from underneath my kitchen sink and cleaning up rat poop from my counters and table. Mmm. Splendid. And that's only one negative experience I've had with rodents! Bottom line is, rodents just freak me out. Since when do phobias make sense?

I think we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. I hope you're not also a huge KISS fan! Thanks for stopping by!

Anonymous said...

Ok. This is bullshit!! What is wrong with you people? Rats, like humans, were victims in the tragedy of the black plague. It was caused solely by fleas, which attached themselves to rats,who were not happy about it. The rats contracted the plague and died, causing the fleas to jump onto nearby humans and kill them. Many more rats were killed than humans.
Furthermore, as a pet rat owner, I cannot stress enough how intelligent, affectionate and clean rats are. They have so much to offer, I feel sorry for anyone close-minded enough to miss an opportunity to enjoy their company.
The worst animal in the history of the world? My vote is, hands down, unintelligent, rat-hating homo sapiens!!!! Wake up!

SleekPelt said...

anonymous: Welcome to my blog! I see I've struck a nerve with another fan of rats. First, let me just say that I got a good laugh out of you saying the rats weren't happy about the fleas giving them the plague. Ha!

For an animal lover, you sure are quick to blame the fleas! What, do you think the fleas got together and invented the black plague just to mess with rats? If the rats are innocent, shouldn't the fleas be too? Is it their fault that they just spread the disease? They're just doing what fleas are programmed to do!

So, how do you feel about bats? How about snakes? Spiders?

Anonymous said...

Hello again - you make a valid point about the innocence of fleas in the whole plague issue - I agree that they were just doing what fleas are programmed to do - however, if an award is being handed out for worst animal partially based on which one caused the most human suffering, I would have to argue that the fleas were more directly responsible for the disease than the rats - and maybe should have been considered for the award above rats. But, no, I don't think the fleas were actually being malicious or plotting against the rats.
I love bats and snakes. I have a bat house in my yard. I have to admit spiders frighten me but I respect them and don't hurt them.
Hooray for rats!

SleekPelt said...

anonymous: Welcome back! It looks like we have plenty of common ground, as I also love bats and think people who have bat houses are among the coolest people walking the earth. I wonder if people in the Philippines build giant bat houses for giant golden-crowned flying foxes?

P.S. If you read some more of my blog, you'll see that I sometimes post silly, exaggerated stuff. Like this post about rats. ;)