A Space for Entertaining

You know what drives me nuts? On those home-improvement shows, why does everyone always have to call rooms spaces? ALWAYS. Even when they already said the name of the room.

"I really like this kitchen space. It's got lots of room for entertaining."

Which brings me to entertaining. I can't believe the amount of entertaining that goes on in these people's homes. I usually just have friends over, personally.

In my world, a space for entertaining is called a stage. And if I hadn't recently developed an apparent allergy to alcohol, I'd be down with playing the Spaces Drinking Game. "Ooh, this is a great space." Glug glug glug. "We'd really have fun entertaining in this outdoor space." Double-whammy, glug glug glug glug glug glug.

I guess I wouldn't make a very good interior designer.

Rudolph the Red-Headed Step-Child

Don't you just love the stop-motion Christmas classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? I know you've seen it dozens of times. Originally aired in 1964, it's the longest running TV special with regard to consecutive years. That's pretty impressive.

I always get a kick out of breaking down the plot of this much-loved special. Let's give it a try.

Rudolph, a young reindeer who simply wants to belong, finds himself with a physical trait that makes him different from the others. This shames his father, Donner, who insists Rudolph try to hide his shiny nose. (I liken this to a father insisting his little-person child wear heightening shoes. He should be flogged with a giant candy cane.) After Rudolph's disguise comes apart in public, and despite his impressive, passion-inspired virgin flight, all of the other reindeer (with the exception of the sweet Clarice) give him hell and make him feel worse than his his no-good, sell-out father made him feel. Then, perhaps the biggest villain of the movie, Santa the Bigot, a man whose entire business is built upon the apparently bogus idea of rewarding the just, lays into Donner, declaring, "You should be ashamed of yourself!" And he means because his boy has a shiny nose, folks, not because of the atrocious way he reacted to that discovery.

Now let's think about Santa's slaves for a bit, the elves. (Note that the word elves is a mere a away from being a perfect anagram of slaves.) They all seem happy with their lots in life. All of them, that is, with the exception of Hermey the Misfit Elf. See, this poor chap wants to be a dentist. Is there any encouragement for his uncommon drive? Of course not. Even his offers of free dental care are rewarded with ridicule, and he's driven away.

So it's natural that the two societal rejects meet up and form a bond that causes them to go in search of "fame and fortune." What they're really looking for is acceptance and opportunity, of course, but their sheltered naivety is unsure how to define their drive. Along the way they meet up with severely inclement weather, a seemingly greedy but helpful prospector named Yukon Cornelius, and a misunderstood yeti that man has tagged as "abominable," imposing a role upon him that manifests in exactly that type of behavior. The three new friends stick close to each other as they battle beast and nature in pursuit of their dreams.

Let's hop over quickly to the Island of Misfit toys, an internment camp where unwanted toys are sent as victims of a consumer society growing out of control. What a brilliant concept to include in a Christmas special, and in 1964 it was downright prophetic.

Meanwhile, back at the North Pole, ol' Santa the Bigot is starting to realize that he's gotten himself into a bit of a pickle. He sets up shop in the most rugged tundra the earth has to offer and finds himself surprised to encounter -- gasp! -- a bad snowstorm on Christmas Eve! What a shock. What's he going to do?

You all know how the story ends. The yeti gets knocked out, Hermey converts him to the good side by extracting his teeth (the Wikipedia entry makes it seem like this somehow tamed him, perhaps through submission, but I always thought he had toothaches that were making him particularly grumpy and, like the lion with the thorn in his paw, he repaid a good deed with proper gratitude), we find out that Cornelius was really just prospecting for peppermint and not gold or silver(at least in the original version), the whole crew makes it back to the North Pole, and when Santa the Bigot realizes that Rudolph actually has something to offer him, well then it's all just freaking dandy! Rudolph is the best! We all love Rudolph! Attaboy Rudolph!

But Santa at least saved the Misfit Toys, you say? Sure he did. In the revised version that was created after consumer complaint.

Hypocrites, the lot of them!

... Then how the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
They're full of hypocrisy

How would a kid who has an "abnormal" feature or condition feel about this show? Hopefully they'd feel redemption at the end, as the "misfits" clearly rise above the rest in this cautionary tale, but if I was an albino child, or if I had a particularly large nose, or a visible birthmark on my face, or anything else that's sure to keep me off the cover of Mademoiselle or GQ, I think I'd tell my mom that I don't want that red-suited bastard and his army of demon deer to come anywhere near my house. I'd be lighting a fire under the chimney and booby-trapping the hell out of my Christmas tree. Of course all of this work would be done in vain, because I'd know Santa isn't coming anyway. The bastard doesn't give a crap about how nice I've been all year when I'm running a cowlick this.

The Worst Cover Ever

The DM and I are checking out a show called The Next Great American Band. I just heard a band called The Hatch do the worst cover I've ever heard. It was Dylan's "It's All Over Now, Baby Blue," and it was just horrible.

This show is insane.

Random Thoughts Thursday

-Carnivale was the best show ever on television, and the fact that HBO dropped it mid-story after only two seasons is practically criminal. If the story goes unfinished, with all of the other mediums out there (movies/graphic novels/comic books, etc.), that really is criminal.

-Three to five birds fly into my office window on a daily basis. None have ever been hurt to my knowledge. What a surprise that must be to a bird, though. I know it's been quite shocking to me when I've walked into patio doors.

-I've listened to very little Social Distortion in my life, and I feel it's something I need to remedy soon.

-When I ride my motorcycle, I compulsively press my blinker-off button to make sure I'm not riding down the road with a bogus blinker. I sometimes do this ten times in a minute. This way, that bastard is off. Amazingly, I still manage to leave it on occasionally.

-I had a moment of clarity two nights ago while playing guitar. For about five minutes, while all alone in my dining room, I felt I played and sang the best I have in years, and I had an incredible feeling of emotion that lasted for the duration of that time. Then it came to an immediate halt and I put my guitar down and went to bed. I picked it up again last night and I was shit.

-This is pretty crazy:



-Here's a great Bright Eyes song for all the lovers and haters out there:

powered by ODEO

-For some reason, most of the blogs I like to read are defunct or at least in a serious holding pattern. I guess Winters always pass. Melissavina, what am I supposed to watch on Wednesdays? Finding new blogs to read is hard. Maybe I should start the Harry Potter series. But can it really be that good?

-If I had unlimited means, I'd have a barber shave my face three times a week. It will surprise no one who knows me that shaving is one of my least favorite things in the world. But so is long facial hair. I hate that even more than shaving. See my predicament?

All random thoughts are most welcomed. It feels sort of good to get them out, I'm finding.

Ghost Hunters

I've never had a paranormal experience. I thought perhaps I had when I blogged about a strange flying neon orb back in January, but after careful examination, and with the help of my mother-in-law, I (she) determined that it was probably a paint-ball that missed its target (my car). Later I found out a guy I know who lives by the "incident" has had his car hit by a paintball before. Case solved.

But I'm interested in that stuff, so the DM and I used to watch Ghost Hunters on the Sci-Fi Channel religiously. Most of the time Jason, Grant and their crew would debunk claims of paranormal activity, but every now and then they'd capture evidence that was pretty compelling.

The best case of this in my opinion is the St. Augustine Lighthouse episode. During their investigation they caught what appears to be a ghost chase up a spiral staircase inside the lighthouse. They clearly hear something, and then the video they capture seems to show someone peeking over the railing, and then moments later, over the railing a couple of floors up. When they make it to the top of the stairs, all they find is door that's locked on the inside with a padlock.

Here's the video from when they reveal the footage to the keeper of the lighthouse. Because it's Youtubed it's not nearly as clear as it looked on my TV screen, but you may be able to get the gist of it:



If you didn't see it on TV, it's probably not that impressive, but it's the closest thing I've ever seen to paranormal activity. It definitely made for a good episode, anyway.

On a side note, I interviewed Jason Hawes for Racer X last year. Turns out he's into dirt bikes. He was a cool guy.

The Sleek Awards: Best Episode of Three's Company

We all watched it. Jack Tripper's zany adventures with his hot roommates made Three's Company one of the most beloved sit-coms of the late '70s and early '80s. You might think it would be hard to narrow all of the awesome episodes down to one ultimate show, but through much deliberation I've succeeded. So, without further ado, allow me to introduce the latest recipient of the increasingly prestigious Sleek Awards:

The episode where there was a misunderstanding.

Unfortunately, I don't remember the name of the episode, but if I describe it I'm sure you'll remember it. I think it was Crissy who opened a door and heard Jack and Janet talking about something as innocent as can be, but Crissy misunderstood the meaning and thought there was some kind of hanky panky going on. Later Mr. Furley -- or was it the Ropers? -- got the low-down from Crissy about what she thought was going on, and then when they next saw Jack and Janet, the young roommates said something that again was innocent but, in the context of Mr. Furley's/The Ropers' confused idea of what was going on, propagated the misunderstanding! Add to the mix the introduction of Larry, who also somehow got the idea that Crissy was in love with him, and then later Jack made dinner and somehow had a mishap with a bag of flour that ended up on everyone involved. This is when the truth was finally revealed, and everyone went to the Regal Beagle and had a drink.

It was the best episode ever, for sure, and therefore deserves this award more than all of the others. If you ever see that this episode is airing, set your TiVo immediately!

TV's Next Big Thing

While The Dalai Mama was watching Celebrity Fat Club the other day, she came up with a great idea for a spin-off: Celebrity Fart Tub. Now there's a reality show I might actually watch.